Kids Make It Interesting

Kids make what interesting? you may ask. Anything. Seriously. Take a quick bite to eat at Chili's (this is hypothetical, of course. We no longer eat meals in restaurants. Sigh.). Without kids, you sit in the booth, order drinks and food, have a quiet conversation while you wait for your meal, and then commence eating. When you finish, you pay the bill and leave. With kids, it might go more like this:

You sit in the booth but soon realize that the high-traffic location is no good as your toddler in the high chair keeps reaching for the servers as they pass with trays of food and has nearly knocked one over. So you move. Now you're in a comfortable booth in the very back of the restaurant that is likely very near the restroom. When the server comes to take your order, he must wait through four possible choices for each child and hear about your 3-year-old's best friend at school. The wait for your food is spent kid-juggling. The high chair is no longer a happy place for baby to sit, the older child wants to sit with daddy, no mommy, wait daddy... you get the idea. Once food finally arrives, you must take turns because someone must always be shoveling food into the baby's mouth and where, oh where, did those crayons go? After food has been devoured and the bill paid, it's not quite time to leave. If you're a conscientious diner (and I'm sure you are) you know that the servers at your favorite local eatery do not get paid enough to vacuum crushed cheerios off the floor and wipe ketchup off the ceiling. And with cleanup done, it's time to leave.

Now that was hypothetical, though based on actual experience. This is actual experience. Today my husband and I had the great pleasure of car shopping. We are in the very early stages and simply wanted to see in person how various vehicles would house our assortment of car seats and the sundry items such as strollers, diaper bags, etc. But Tom was persistent. He wanted to show us around, drive us in his fanciest auto, and woo our children. Outside, it wasn't so bad. Tom's mistake was taking us into his cubicle to take our information. First, my daughter found his beanie baby collection very exciting. Then she wanted a business card to eat. Upon seeing this, her brother wanted one as well. So we're discussing our preferences with Tom, both kids are happily playing with business cards, when the elder child announces his need to potty. No problem. Mommy's on it. I take him to the bathroom assuming he needs to "number 1." Before we can even get his pants down, he has dropped Tom's business card into the toilet. I'm already laughing at the symbolism. After assuring him that he does NOT need to retrieve it, I am informed that he needs to "poop. Bad!" Wonderful. I then had to position a seat cover on the toilet and place the 3-year-old atop it. After he'd kicked off his shoes, shorts, and underwear (this is what he does), there was little left of the cover. I found myself in a tiny bathroom stall (remember, I had anticipated a quick number 1), holding sandals, Lightning McQueen underwear, and gym shorts, listening to my son sing while he went to the bathroom. At that point, I had to laugh because this trip would not have been nearly as interesting if we hadn't had kids with us! Aren't kids great?